Spookily Accurate Horoscopes!


The rising moon on the tipped axis of Uranus says you were once born, and at some point in the next few days or weeks you will meet someone else who was once born. You will exchange words that may or may not be interesting. Also – Uranus. Ha.


You will find your soulmate this week. They might be walking their dog, they might be on Tinder, but they also might be in your fridge there so remember to check that place multiple times 🍰


Geminis are incredibly witty, smart and would get an A+ if stalking others on social media was a course. But don’t be surprised if the love of your life is stalking you…


You’re confident in most things but super sensitive when it comes to bread rolls- it’s a childhood thing. Nevertheless, this month the stars have aligned and you will conquer your fear- one cheese and bacon roll at a time.


Remember the movie ‘Suddenly 30’? Where Jennifer Garner realises what she stands for and what she wants to be and then is able to go back in time and do it all right? Well, you have similar qualities to the person I watched that movie with. You guys would get along.


Your week will be determined by how many birds fly over your house this week. There’s no right or wrong answer. Don’t get it wrong.


This week, the stars indicate that you need to stop being so judgemental on the different types of crackers and cheese. It’s all crackers and cheese!


Something interesting will happen to you in the next 7 mins, or 7 hours, or 7 days, or 7 weeks, or 7 fortnights, or 7 months (not including February or public holidays), or 7 years, or 7 decades. You must look for the sign of a yellow rubber ducky on the 2nd hour of the 5th clock.


This week, everything will become just as clear as it is unclear. The man that sees does not, but the man that unsee’s, also does not.


It’s imperative that you spend the next week counting bubbles in your coffee froth. It has to do with you winning a lot of money, so just do it.


Things get adventurous this week. You’re going to make a decision that it going to spice things up. And we don’t just mean in a home cooked curry either …


You will encounter total disbelief as a friend of friends brothers, cousins, sisters, boyfriend wins a $25 scratchy card. Who could’ve thunk it?!